i used to watch “america’s next top model” hoping one day i’d have the balls to do what those impossibly beautiful people did. (this was when i was fat-lindsay, and weighed 180 pounds and raided 3-4 times a week eating all take-out and ben & jerry’s and not working out. hardcore, I know. i can smell how impressed you all are. don’t lie. we never did finish icc. pugs, man.)
anyway. this show was instrumental with forming my early modeling career. at the time, i was dating someone who hated models and modeling. he said he hated the way models were so vapid. my words, mind you. he was far more crude in his critique, and vociferous. often.
as it happened, i would attempt to model and tried to hide that from him, because in youth, apparently, no one puts baby in a fucking corner.
right. so. stealth-modeled like a goddammed ninja for about a year before i stopped for a good….3 years? sad face. come to think of it, modeling was a primary factor in why i left him. huh.
(tangent: let that be a lesson in the power of self-expression, and how vital it is for your sanity. cuz fuck, dude, i felt so trapped being unable to model at will. you do you. and fuck anyone who tells you to stop. unless you’re causing harm. then stop.)
once i picked modeling back up again, i had no clue what i wanted to model- just that i wanted to do it, no other reason than it was simply something that pulled me to do. it still does. it’s just how i self-express.
so, there’s a networking site called model mayhem. that’s how i book shoots for the most part. these photos were from a fantastic photographer i synced up with who had booked a studio for a day (common for photogs on a budget) and who was doing editorial. there was a stylist there too. i love that shit: makes my life way easier. and i love editorial, and wanted to do more of it.
there was a very tall, very thin model who was shooting as i arrived, and accompanying her was (obviously) her mother and grandmother. this model was super young. initially i thought she was 16, 18 at most. she was also meme-worthy awkward: cheesy cheerleader/school photo awkward. and the harpy eyes of her relatives i’m sure was not helping. come to find out from her mother: she was 12 (!?!?!?!?) and this as her first shoot (made sense) and did i know any good dance schools in the area. uh.
they ask if they could watch me shoot, i said no problem. and when i sat in that armchair, my legs threaded through the armrests like a fucking lady, that’s when i called on the power of tyra stance.
tyra banks is one of the most beautiful women in the world. i’ve idolized her for yeeeeeeeeears. google her if you’re unfamiliar. and when i channel tyra, i recall this one episode of america’s next top model where she demonstrates the fierce eye-squint she is so famous for.
guys listen here.
my mind. blown.
so when i snap into tyra stance, i get shots like this.
wings on my back legs.