people laugh feels really good, and everyone likes to have funny people around.
But comedy is so hard. And let’s face
it: you’re more of a “sit there and look pretty” kinda gal at heart, right? So
why even bother trying to be funny when you can just bank on other things to
make friends? I’ve got some suggestions for things you can do to get people to
like you that are so much easier than doing comedy.
Focus on your looks
Smile more: People don’t like it when you look like a raging
bitch with PMS. Fake tits are becoming less expensive and more socially
acceptable. Have you considered invasive surgery to correct God’s mistakes? And
your recycled one-liners are flatter than your ass. Have you thought about the
Stair-Master to beef up your buns? At least we’d have something nice to look at
while we ignore your jokes. I mean, you really should pick between hot and
smart, and clearly you don’t have a whole lot of depth on the subjects you
claim you’re interested in, so why not just pick hot? And silent.
Stop being opinionated and argumentative
No, everything isn’t terrible, you’re fine! Why don’t you
just take my word for it? While we’re here: maybe stop crying and do a little
more work on making other people feel OK around you. I’m getting a little
bitter how easily you’re coasting through life! If I hear you say something
about “The Patriarchy” one more time, I swear to God… it isn’t funny! You
just sound like an ungrateful, bitter bitch. No one wants that around. You know
what we do want around? Someone who
Play video games
Dudes LOVE a laid-back chick who can game with them for 10
hours on the weekend. Just ignore those misogynistic jokes everyone else gets
to repeat for hours on-end about how much of a stereotype you are playing a
healer and how you can’t aim. Turn the other cheek, sweetie. That’s agreeable.
Oh, but hold on. You don’t get to
make jokes back: it’s not funny when you
make sexist jokes– it’s just plain mean and ruins team morale. Focus on aiming
Clearly, you don’t know any joke structure which means you don’t like comedy. My extensive studying of comedy tells me that, otherwise I’d be laughing more and you’d be trying more.
mean, if you really liked comedy, why aren’t you taking writing and improv classes? Hmmm? Why don’t you just get into cosplay? You’re hot. Man, I wish I could take off my clothes and get paid. You girls have it easy!
Womanly activities are more agreeable
Why not get into baking and cooking? Everyone likes a chick
who can cook! Why not do that? You obviously put more effort into making dinner
than you do making jokes. On second thought: cooking takes up too much time.
Why not just curate a Pintrest board of great brunch places you can take your
friends to? But for the love of God: DO NOT start in on the half-baked attempts
at social commentary and “hipster” jokes you’re trying to work on. No one likes
a Debbie Downer. Shut up and drink your $16 grapefruit mimosa.